How to say “No.”
Posted by Cait Duffy, Director of Communication on Feb 13, 2013. Filed under Sex on the Beach.
It’s Friday night. The lights are low, the clock is inching closer and closer to morning, and your third drink is barely covering the ice. There’s a crowd at the bar, or the keg, or the kitchen counter, and there’s just enough swill in your cup left to last until the front of that line.
You go stand next to someone you don’t know, or another new face joins the crowd behind you, and it starts. “Hey.” The person might say with a quick scan of your body. Or, “Come here often?”
Maybe the person’s kind of cute, maybe there was a better pick up line or segue into a conversation that could have been used. But something’s off, something’s strange and you just aren’t interested. How do you go about letting them know?
As with all situations in life, there are a variety of situations that this could happen. The circumstances may change, but it always seems to be difficult to simply say a firm “no.”
There are a couple of ways that you can go about showing your non-interest. Some are more forward than others, and the right method completely depends on your comfort in the situation, but hopefully these tricks can help you find an easy way to disengage.
It all begins with body language. Which directions are your shoulders and hips pointing? Keep your body facing outward toward the room or the crowd rather than turning to face them completely. This instantly sends a non-verbal message that you aren’t physically attracted.
While it may seem flighty, keep your gaze occupied elsewhere.
Completely ignoring someone who is trying to begin a conversation with you is certainly rude, but that’s not to say you need to dedicate your complete attention to them. A polite smile and simple, one-worded answers while looking distracted sends another non-verbal message of disinterest without having to say anything
If these physical signs aren’t enough to encourage an end to the flirting, your unwanted pursuer may require a tougher hand. It’s okay to decline an offer for a free drink. An easy “No, thank you,” will usually do the trick. If you don’t have a friend to come pull you away from the conversation the moment you need to leave, excuse yourself.
Keep in mind that excusing yourself doesn’t mean you need an excuse.
If you want to leave a conversation, that’s your right, and who has the right to question why? This is America in the 21st century, isn’t it?
A basic line to use can simply be, “It was so nice to meet you. Have a great night.” Variations of that statement can work. A smile and a nod will cement your point, then begin walking away as you say your goodbye.
In most cases, this should deter any person with common sense.
But there are those nights and those people who have too much liquid courage, or simply cannot take a hint.
Don’t be afraid to be firm, forward and strong at this point. Just tell the person that you aren’t interested.
There’s no need to explain yourself to anybody that you don’t want to have your number.
The key is remembering that the only person in charge of you, is you. It’s your night, your life and your decision.
Saying “no” shouldn’t have to be difficult, but if someone just won’t take no for an answer, feel empowered enough to tell them to stick it up their you-know-what and get lost.
Or something a little nicer.